One is retired, the other is not

Earlier in this blog I complained about the challenges of having a stay-at-home spouse, when I wasn't expecting one (Mr. R-T was sick the first 2 weeks of my retirement -- sick enough to stay home.)  Now that we are on a more normal schedule, I mostly enjoy my solitude, but there are interesting challenges.

I think it would be a really bad idea for a couple to both retire at the same time.  It might make sense if you immediately moved to a new location, but with part of our lives staying the same, I want to get really used to retirement before Mr. R-T is around all the time, changing his routine every day (as I do now).  Even now, we sometimes trip over each other in the morning making our breakfasts (we had things carefully synchronized to be in the kitchen at slightly different times when I was working).  There is a lot more we need to explicitly communicate, when before, our many years of routine made us aware of the fact that he sleeps in on Mondays when I (used to) get up very early that day (now when I get up "depends", of course).

Mr. R-T has taken to asking me to text him when I return from hikes or bike rides, especially if I am going alone.  That's probably sensible, though he never asked before.  And since I've changed when I do laundry to new days of the week, he's having a hard time remembering when to expect there to be clean laundry to fold.  But mostly, he benefits a lot from this deal -- I'm home during the day to accept packages (last Friday I had to stay home the entire day to deal with deliveries and repair people), and there are fewer days when he is on his own for dinner because I have an evening activity (I can get together with lots of my friends during the day).  And the occasional crisis ("I forgot to pick up my jacket that's at the cleaners, and I need it tonight.  Can you make a trip there?"), is hard to say no to.  I'm trying to make sure that we have the right balance -- that I don't end up feeling exploited.  I think this part would be a lot harder if both of us had made big changes to our routines at once.  And I suspect I would feel micro-managed if he were around to comment on everything I did, though that may still be a problem when/if he does retire.

But a larger issue is that I have chunks of time when I'd love to do things with another person, and he's not available.  I am slowly finding other people for the visits to museums or talks I want to hear, but I'm hoping to do more travelling, and he's not nearly as flexible as I am (I'd like to take advantage of various last minute deals I have seen).  So that's the downside of us not both being retired.